Willpower Won't Save You (But These 10 Things Will)

James Hill:
Welcome to Weight Loss And, where we delve into the world of weight loss. I'm Jim Hill.James Hill:
Welcome to Weight Loss And, where we delve into the world of weight loss. I'm Jim Hill.

Holly Wyatt:
And I'm Holly Wyatt. We're both dedicated to helping you lose weight, keep it off, and live your best life while you're doing it.

James Hill:
Indeed, we now realize successful weight loss combines the science and art of medicine, knowing what to do and why you will do it.

Holly Wyatt:
Yes, the “And” allows us to talk about all the other stuff that makes your journey so much bigger, better, and exciting.

James Hill:
Ready for the “And” factor?

Holly Wyatt:
Let's dive in.

James Hill:
Here we go.

Holly Wyatt:
And I'm Holly Wyatt. We're both dedicated to helping you lose weight, keep it off, and live your best life while you're doing it.

James Hill:
Indeed, we now realize successful weight loss combines the science and art of medicine, knowing what to do and why you will do it.

Holly Wyatt:
Yes, the “And” allows us to talk about all the other stuff that makes your journey so much bigger, better, and exciting.

James Hill:
Ready for the “And” factor?

Holly Wyatt:
Let's dive in.

James Hill:
Here we go.

Holly Wyatt:
Today, we're going to challenge one of the biggest myths in weight loss, the idea that if you just had more willpower, you'd be successful.

James Hill:
Oh, that's a good one, because we hear that all the time. I just need more discipline. I can't stick with it because I have no willpower.

Holly Wyatt:
But here's the truth. I think willpower is overrated. It's not what keeps people on track long term. In fact, depending on willpower alone, I think sets you up to struggle, even sets you up to fail.

James Hill:
It's really interesting that we're tackling this. Before we go into the rest of the episode, let's start with the definition. I see willpower as kind of the ability to resist short-term temptations in order to achieve long-term goals. Some psychologists may call it self-control. And this is sort of your mental muscle that you use to override your tendencies, your impulses. That's one way to think of willpower.

Holly Wyatt:
Yeah, I really do like to think of it like a muscle. Think about willpower like a muscle. And while it sounds useful to have a really strong willpower muscle, the research shows that willpower is limited. You can work on building it up, but basically you have a finite amount of willpower. It's limited. And I think that makes sense from a muscle standpoint. It's like your muscle if you were lifting weights, you would only be able to lift so much weight before you fatigued it. It doesn't work forever. So just like a regular muscle, your willpower can get depleted with things like stress and fatigue and when you have to just make a lot of decisions over and over again or throughout your day. So if you rely on this willpower muscle or your willpower as your primary strategy for helping you maintain or lose weight, you're setting yourself up for failure because there's only so much of it. You can't use it by itself. You'll run out of it.

James Hill:
Yeah, I think there are a couple of reasons why willpower alone doesn't work. First, it's really inconsistent. Think about it. Some days, man, you are ready to go. You got willpower. Bring it on.

Holly Wyatt:
Yeah.

James Hill:
Other days, oh, my God, you just can't resist temptations. Research shows that your willpower is stronger in the morning. You know, you get out of bed, you face the day, I'm ready, good food choices, exercise, et cetera. You get to the end of the day, you're tired, your boss yelled at you, the kids want dinner, and it's just like, I'm out of willpower. So first, it's consistent. And second, it really, it doesn't scale. You can't willpower yourself through every choice, every food choice, every craving, every workout for months or years. It's a short-term strategy, but it's really fall short in the long term.

Holly Wyatt:
I agree. You can use it episodically for short periods of time, but you can't depend on it for the reasons you talked about, especially, you know, you may need some willpower at the end of the day and that tends to be where it's going to run out. And I also think that people who succeed long-term don't have more willpower than anyone else. And I think sometimes people don't believe that. They think the successful people have a huge amount of willpower. But instead, I think what we've found in the National Weight Control Registry and in our State-of-Slimmers is that instead of just relying on willpower, they build systems and routines and environments and they change their mind state and they actually reduce the need for willpower instead of trying to build it up or develop more of it. So today, we're going to share the top 10 things that matter more than willpower.

James Hill:
I love the 10 things. I love it. So you want to take the first one? Are we going to count them down?

Holly Wyatt:
Let's count them down. But I got to admit, it was hard to put some of these in order. It's like I tried to kind of say what's the number one versus number 10.

James Hill:
But really don't get too hung up on this one more than the other one. You actually probably need all 10.

Holly Wyatt:
You do need all 10. And maybe for you, some of them may be more important than somebody else. You may have this one or this one doesn't really register with you, another one. So kind of individualize it a little bit.

James Hill:
Everything is personalized. So this is personalized willpower alternatives.

Holly Wyatt:
Yeah, that matter more. It doesn't mean you don't use any willpower, but instead of focusing it on that being the major thing that you have to have strong willpower to succeed, these things matter more.

James Hill:
The more you can use these 10 things, the less you have to rely on willpower.

Holly Wyatt:
That's what we're going to see. That's when we put this list together. That's exactly right.

James Hill:
All right. Start us out. What's number 10?

Holly Wyatt:
All right. Number 10 comes in at monitoring and feedback. So self-monitoring. And we talk about this all the time. So this may be tracking your weight, tracking your food intake, food logging, and then your activity, Jim. I know you're going to be for that. How are you getting in enough movement? And because when you monitor and you track, it increases awareness and it gives you data and information so that you can course correct.

James Hill:
Ah, I remember, Holly, I asked one of the participants in the National Weight Control Registry why she weighed herself every day. And she said, well, how am I going to know if I'm gaining weight if I don't weigh myself? Right?

Holly Wyatt:
Yeah.

James Hill:
Early warning system.

Holly Wyatt:
Catch yourself early. So this is more important than willpower is say, you know what, I've gained a pound, I've gained two pounds, or my weight path is increasing slowly over time. So before I get to regain 20 pounds, I'm going to make a course correction. I think that's more important than having the willpower.

James Hill:
And we've talked more in detail about how you monitor and how often and everything. So, there are some previous podcasts that go into more depth there.

Number nine, social support. You're not going to succeed alone. You probably tried it. I don't need anybody. I just need my willpower. Nope. You got to have support. That can be family. It can be friends. It can be a coach. It can be an online group. It can be an in-person group. Support amplifies all the other strategies.

Holly Wyatt:
Yeah. You know, willpower, we think of it as being internal. at all about you. Here's something that matters more, how you connect to others. Your social environment really is what we're talking about. And so many reasons. And we've done, I think, a whole episode on the social environment. But here's where your connection with other people, impact your journey more than just your own personal willpower. And the other way, Jim, what we talk about is the behaviors are contagious. So it's easier to do the behaviors when you're hanging around people who are doing the behaviors that seem to be hard. You don't need more willpower. It's just kind of, you tend to take on and be able to do those behaviors.

James Hill:
You tend to behave the way those people you hang out with behave.

Holly Wyatt:
Yeah, so I think it kind of amplifies all the strategies just by hanging around people that are trying to do what you're trying to do.

Holly Wyatt:
All right, number eight. This is a good one, and I didn't know what order to put this one in, but self-compassion. The idea that, you know, this fits really nicely with willpower, because I know for me, I used to think, okay, I've got to have a lot of willpower, and if I screw up, then I would beat myself up about it. I didn't have any self-compassion. And it's like, Holly, get it together. Don't do that. Have some willpower. But I think we now know that beating yourself up, especially after a slip, tends to go to giving up, to not being successful. And that self-compassion helps you reset quickly and therefore stay more consistent, which we've now been talking about consistency a lot. And so if you slip up and you can get back on track quickly, that equals that consistency that we're seeing is so important so it almost doesn't make sense it's like I'm going to give myself more self-compassion so I can be more consistent.

James Hill:
Yeah. And I think one of the things that's really good about our field is we're helping people understand this is a biological issue. It's not just, are you a strong person? Do you have strong mind control? There's biology here. A great example, Holly, of people that couldn't manage their weight when they take some of the GLP-1 meds, they're able to maintain it. When you deal with the biology, now you're able to do it. So don't beat yourself up. It's not lack of being strong and having willpower that's going to cause you to fail.

Holly Wyatt:
Yeah. Success is really built on that curiosity and kindness. And we no longer have a place for shame or blame. I just don't think that fits in there. I do think responsibility can come in.

James Hill:
That's a fine line. It’s not saying you don’t have any skin in this game, but recognize that it's not all you. You're fighting biology, etc. But you do have to work on behavior change.

Holly Wyatt:
Yeah. And there's no blame, blaming things. And people like to blame. We tend to have that tendency to blame somebody else or blame ourselves.

James Hill:
Somebody's fault. It's not mine.

Holly Wyatt:
Or it's mine, right? I'm going to blame me.

James Hill:
It's you, Holly, not me.

Holly Wyatt:
Yeah. The blaming just doesn't work. So self-compassion, I think, matters more than willpower. Working on that could be more helpful than trying to make your willpower stronger.

James Hill:
Okay. Number seven, R&R, resilience and recovery skills. Okay. Here's the deal. You're going to slip up. You're going to screw up. I guarantee you, I will bet the farm that everybody who goes into weight management is going to slip and they're going to have setbacks. The key is how you recover from that. So if you're resilient, if you have resiliency skills, you don't let a single day off become a week off, become a month off, become “forget it, I've blown it.” The other thing, we talk a lot about the really successful people treat slips and setbacks as learning opportunities. Yes, you forgive yourself, you're going to slip, get back on track, but what can I learn from that slip or setback so that I don't do it again? So resiliency, recovery, critically important.

Holly Wyatt:
Yeah. So working on those skills, emotional resiliency skills, what do I do when there's curveballs? And I love your example is, okay, something's happened. Can I treat it as a learning opportunity? It really shifts how it feels, right? It's not a mistake. It's not a failure. I can actually get something good out of it. And that is something we see over and over again, that people who are trying to maintain their weight loss, that's how they treat slip ups. They are really resilient and they try to learn something from them. The other thing, Jim, we've been talking about in State of Slim is we've been kind of we kind of came up with two scenarios or two profiles, really. And we called one of them Perfect Polly and we called one of them Too Special Sarah.

Holly Wyatt:
And obviously these are extremes, but I think it kind of fits really nicely here. Do you tend to be too Perfect Polly, which means that it's everything has to be perfect. And the minute it's not perfect, you fall off and you fall off for a long time. There's no gray zone at all. There's no bend. There's no flexibility, which we know is not associated with success. And then on the other end, we have this kind of Too Special Sarah and they almost have too much flexibility. You talk to them and it's like there's it's never they can never be consistent. Well, this week I've got to do this and my family is this and my boss is this and I need it special for this and they have zero consistency and they aren't successful either. So it's really finding that place in between the perfection and the too special where I never have any consistency, where I think that sweet spot is where you can recover from things that we can't predict are going to happen, things that are not expected and you fall off, recover quickly, and therefore have some consistency, but also some flexibility. So consistent, but flexible.

Holly Wyatt:
Number six, wrote down meal planning and preparation. Coming in at number six. So more than willpower is can you plan what you're going to eat? Especially because you don't know what's going to happen and how much willpower you're going to have. But if you pre-prepared and planned your meals, it's going to be easier to grab a meal and to stay on plan than if you haven't. So it just makes it easier to stay on plan. And I always say, make some go-to meals, do some meal prep, say, okay, even if I come in and I'm tired and my boss has yelled at me and I haven't done anything that I planned to do today, if that meal is sitting there ready to go, you're going to be more likely to grab it and to stay on track. So prevents just grabbing whatever's there. If whatever's there is planned, then it's going to be easier for you to stay on track.

James Hill:
Yeah, I think it's a great example of where willpower is going to let you down. If you're saying, well, when the time comes, I'll choose the best meal and prepare it. Boom. It's inconsistent. If you've got something there, wow, you don't have to worry about not having the willpower. That's a good one.

Holly Wyatt:
Yeah. Sometimes, Jim, that happens to me. And I'm like, in the moment, I'm like, you know what, Holly, just grab your meal and eat it. Just grab your meal and eat it. And a lot of times by the time I finish eating my meal, things are better, right? Things have recovered.

James Hill:
All right. Number five. Holly, this is going to take the rest of the episode for me to go through.

Holly Wyatt:
I gave you this one, Jim. I ordered it.

James Hill:
Because it's so important. Physical activity and movement. I cannot tell you how important this is. If you think you're going to succeed without adding significant amounts of regular movement to your life, you're wrong. You're going to fail. Physical activity is critical. Does not mean that diet is important. Diet's important, but you can't do it by diet alone. And one of the things that I get frustrated about is people say, well, just physical activity doesn't burn that many calories.

Physical activity, number one, it burns a significant number of calories, but what it does is even more important. It basically optimizes your metabolism. And what we've learned, many, many people who have been overweight and sedentary have a metabolism that isn't working well. It's sluggish. It's not good. Physical activity can fix that. Physical activity works on your mood. Physical activity helps your sleep, and if you're sleeping better, everything else is good, and it helps your resilience. It's physical activity and movement. So there's a place for planned activity, and we recommend people do some of that every day. There's also a need for just movement. This is outside the gym. This is just walking, hobbies, gardening, take active breaks, et cetera. And one of the things that we find is that people can incorporate physical activity in their lives in a way that makes their lives better, more meaningful, more pleasurable. So don't look at physical activity as, oh my gosh, this is something I have to do. It is going to enrich your life in so many ways. So, got to do the physical activity, got to do the movement.

Holly Wyatt:
Okay, I'm going to ask you a question now. I'm going to put you on the spot. If you could only have one thing, You could have regular, large amounts or the appropriate amounts of physical activity and movement, or you could have a lot of willpower. Which would you choose?

James Hill:
Oh, I'll take the physical activity and movement any day.

Holly Wyatt:
Me too.

James Hill:
If you're out there, and we recommend that people who are trying to maintain a significant weight loss, aim for an hour a day of physical activity. If you're doing that hour a day of physical activity, it is going to help you way, way, way more than any willpower is going to help you.

Holly Wyatt:
What I tell people is if you are doing this hour of physical activity, your body naturally is going to be helping you.

James Hill:
It helps your body work for you rather than against you.

Holly Wyatt:
Without you doing anything. You don't have to do anything.

James Hill:
If that's the one thing I could get people to understand, I would be happy. Physical activity is not just burning a few calories. It is really optimizing every aspect of your body.

Holly Wyatt:
Yeah. You do not need near as much willpower when your metabolism and everything is optimized. You don't need it.

James Hill:
You get an hour a day of physical activity. You don't have to rely on willpower.

Holly Wyatt:
I like that. All right. Number four, and you mentioned it a little bit, is sleep.

James Hill:
Yeah, that's a big one.

Holly Wyatt:
Yeah. This year, I've been really more conscious of it with my new ring, looking at my sleep patterns. But the idea is lack of sleep can disrupt your satiety hormones, your hunger hormones. It can increase cravings and it can therefore make it you have to use more willpower if you're having more cravings. If you get enough sleep, it improves impulse control and decision making, which is willpower. So sleep really can make the willpower better. You have more willpower and then you don't have to use it as much. And it really is that foundation for success. So I think while you need to move your body in that physical activity, you also need to rest your body for almost similar reasons. You need both.

James Hill:
Yeah, I think lots of good things happen during sleep. It's sort of where your body repairs. I think it aids creativity. And one of the other things we know, when you're not sleeping well, you don't eat well, you don't exercise well, it affects every other aspect of your life. And what we're seeing is nutrition, physical activity, sleep, mindset. These things aren't independent. They're interacting with each other.

Holly Wyatt:
Yeah. When I am getting good sleep, I'm a better problem solver. So something comes my way, a curveball, and suddenly I can think of multiple ways to deal with that versus if I'm not have sleep, I can't hit the curveball. I'm not as emotionally resilient. So, the sleep, I think prioritizing some good quality sleep is more important than trying to build up a lot of willpower.

James Hill:
Totally agree. Okay, coming in at number three, here's another good one, Holly. Purpose and your why.

Holly Wyatt:
Yes.

James Hill:
Now, why do we put this on the list? Because this is where true internal motivation comes from. We've talked a lot about motivation. There's external motivation, reward. You can reward yourself, other people. But you need that internal motivation, too. And this is where purpose and why comes in. Willpower won't do it here. Willpower will keep you going. You might rely on some external rewards. But when things get tough, willpower isn't going to do it. This is where you need to dig deep. And to dig deep, you need a sense of purpose. Now, it sounds, oh my God, a big, big idea, but this is critical. Think about it. If you're going to lose weight, you need to understand why you want to lose weight. We talk about doing that to determine your true why. And the reason why knowing your why is important, that's what's going to get you through the hard times. That's going to get you up when it's cold outside and you don't want to go exercise, but you dig deep and say, this is why I'm on this journey. This is what I'm doing.

Holly Wyatt:
Yeah.

James Hill:
Also connecting to a bigger vision allows you to think about the life you want to create. We talk over and over, yeah, you're going to lose weight. But is your goal really to reach a number on the scale? No. Your goal is to have a better life, to have a satisfying life. And you need a big vision for that. You need to find satisfaction in the process and also envision the success you're going to have and how that's going to impact your life. So when your daily actions feel meaningful and satisfying, you rely less on willpower and you're much more likely to stick with the lifestyle you want to stick with.

Holly Wyatt:
Yeah, so I tell people all the time if they would spend as much time as they spend at least thinking about or talking about building up their willpower. I have a lot of willpower, how am I going get more willpower? If I spend just that much time thinking about their why, their purpose, what is their bigger vision? What is the life they want to create? And getting crystal clear about that and having that in your brain and having it written down and looking at knowing it, putting it front and center. So at these moments when you're making decision, it's not about willpower. It's about this is what is important to me. This is what gives, you know, this is the life I want to live and almost getting excited about that. That to me is so much more important than having that impulse control or that willpower that people talk about.

James Hill:
As we've worked over the decades with people that really are successful, this is something that comes out over and over. The successful people understand their why, they understand their purpose, and they connect with it when things get tough.

Holly Wyatt:
And one more thing, Jim, because this came up the other night when I was talking to some of the State-of-Slimmers. This why and purpose can evolve over time.

James Hill:
Absolutely. And you don't have to tell anybody your purpose. If you want to keep it totally to yourself, you can do that. What is important is that you know it. And when you need to dig deep, that's where you dig to.

Holly Wyatt:
Yeah. And keep working on it. Don't think it's one and done. Oh, I know my purpose. Check my box. I never have to think about it again. No. This is so important that you're constantly thinking about it, developing it, allowing it to evolve. Different times in your life, your why and purpose are going to change. But it's that fuel. And so you want to tap into it and be using it and developing it consistently all along, not just one and done, check a box.

James Hill:
Boy, we're getting to the one and two here. This is good.

Holly Wyatt:
So, number two really has two kind of combined. And we teach this. We've done episodes on this, it's environment and routines and rituals. And the idea here is if you change your environment to support the behaviors you're trying to do and you put new routines and rituals in place that make these behaviors easier, more likely to occur, you don't have to use willpower. You're working what I like to say smarter not harder. To me, willpower is about working harder but resisting. Putting routines in place that support the new behaviors, making an environment that supports the new behaviors, makes it easier, makes it not require as much willpower. So I always say be smarter, don't work harder, and it makes everything just flow better. The other thing I've been saying to people, and I've been thinking about this myself, is if you are developing a new body state, if you're wanting to lose weight and maintain it, doesn't it make sense that your environment would need to change?

James Hill:
Yeah, absolutely.

Holly Wyatt:
That your routines and rituals need to change. You're becoming something new. What supports it on the outside needs to be new, too. And I don't think people do that. They say, I'm just going to use willpower. I don't need to move the candy dish from my desk. I just won't eat the candy.

James Hill:
But willpower takes a lot of mental energy. If you have a routine or a ritual, it doesn't. It's automatic. And most of our behavior is automatic. You know, Holly, I think it was in State of Slim. One of the examples that I like that we used is the woman who on her drive home every day from work, she went by all the fast food places and every day she would use willpower to not stop. And she said, well, I'm taking a different route. I'm doing a route now that doesn't have fast food places. Duh, that's so simple. So now she doesn't think about it. She just goes the other route. She never has to rely on willpower.

Holly Wyatt:
So, she changed a route that was she had to use willpower. She changed it to a route that she didn't have to use willpower. She put a new habit. She could even take it one more step. Now I'm going to drive by a park that I could stop. Right? And get out for a 10-minute walk.

James Hill:
See, that's the way to think. And that's the way the people that are successful think. They look at opportunities. The idea is if you're having to exert mental energy on every single lifestyle issue, it's going to wear you out. You've got to put routines in place so you don't even think about it. But my routine when I do is I always have my workout clothes in my office. And we have a gym where the rec center is close by. So, if I suddenly have some time, I got my workout clothes, I can go work out.

Holly Wyatt:
And I think that's a perfect example. It doesn't guarantee you're going to get a workout in, but it makes it more likely. It makes it easier.

James Hill:
And it removes a barrier. And I've got it. It's routine. I don't even think about it. When I take it home, I put new ones in. I bring it to work. I know exactly where it is.

Holly Wyatt:
Versus if you had to go home to get those clothes, you might have to use more willpower.

James Hill:
I wouldn't have done it. Too much willpower involved.

Holly Wyatt:
You would have had to use a lot of willpower maybe to come back or to go out and get exercise. So it really makes it easier. It's a smarter way. And I would say be clever. I like it when you're clever. What little thing can I add? That's not going to take like driving a different way home. That didn't take a lot of energy. But it could make a huge difference. And that's what I mean by being clever. And that's where you have to look at, where do I struggle? Where do I use my willpower? Where is my environment not set up? Where is it not helping me? And then specifically think about what clever change you could make to make it easier for you.

James Hill:
All right. We're ready for the drum roll for number one, Holly.

Holly Wyatt:
I know. And you know they know what this is going to be.

James Hill:
If they listen to us, they better.

Holly Wyatt:
They better.

James Hill:
It's mind state.

Holly Wyatt:
Yes.

James Hill:
And mind state is a word you and I have sort of developed to really look at how your mental capacity, we talked a lot about the body, now we're talking about the mind. How do you harness the mind in helping you? Your mind state really is the foundation of everything. It's how you handle challenges. It's how you handle setbacks. It's your identity. It's releasing beliefs that are limiting to you. I can't do this. I always gain weight. Those things that keep you stuck, it's getting rid of them. It's the shift from a victim or a perfectionist attitude to what we call a voyager mind state, looking forward to the next opportunity. Even the next challenge is, you know you can overcome it, but you learn from it. A strong mind state is the single best way to make sure you don't need willpower. When your mind state is strong, you don't need willpower. You lead yourself strategically.

Holly Wyatt:
Yeah, it replaces it, so to speak.

James Hill:
Yes, and it's much better because it is consistent. Your mind state's consistent. It's there 24-7. It doesn't get tired. This is a good substitute.

Holly Wyatt:
It's so interesting, Jim, because our whole career has been about really understanding the body state, right? The physiology, the metabolism, how the body's working. And the more we get into this, the more this connection with the mind, the mind-body connection is really coming out to be important. It doesn't mean that the body part isn't important, that the metabolism and the physiology and the metabolic flexibility and all the things we talk about aren't important, but it's hooked to this mind state.

James Hill:
We've learned that just giving people a good diet to follow and an exercise regimen to follow seldom alone leads to success. Gotta look at the mind state. Yes, you need a good plan, but a good plan with a poor mind state, I wouldn't bet on success.

Holly Wyatt:
Right. Actually, we gave people 10 things, but if I said, if you could just replace, you don't need willpower if you can get this Voyager mind state going strong.

James Hill:
I think you and I, over the past few years, have come to believe that this is the key. Not that the other stuff isn't important. Do not get us wrong. But without a strong mind state, your chances of success go way down.

Holly Wyatt:
Uphill battle, for sure.

James Hill:
Uphill battle. Wow. Those are 10 good ones, Holly.

Holly Wyatt:
Yeah. I think we've done episodes on all of them, but I like putting them all together in one place.

James Hill:
Well, do we have any listener questions for this episode?

Holly Wyatt:
We do, I think, have a couple that will fit in this episode. I'll take the first one. It says, I feel like I have no willpower. I hear this all the time. My willpower is weak. How do I even start? So we've given you 10 ways to kind of start. But if I had to pick one thing, I would say start by working on your mind state. Remember, yeah, that I want to work on this first. And I would even think about identifying some limiting beliefs. And I can tell by the statement, I feel like I have no willpower. That's a limiting belief right there. Because she does have some willpower. Yeah, but she's already limiting by saying I don't so right there. She's already thinking about what she doesn't have instead of what she does have which is part of a mind state shift that we would talk about and I would also probably focus on maybe one small environmental change kind of a routine or ritual to put in place to kind of build momentum so mind state and then work on some changes over time that can get that momentum going in a positive direction.

James Hill:
Okay. Well, here's a good one, Holly. What do I do when my environment, either physical environment or social environment, is sabotaging my efforts? And we see this a lot. My co-worker's got the candy dish all the time. She's not helping me.

Holly Wyatt:
Yeah.

James Hill:
My family, we hear sometimes my spouse is trying to sabotage me. What do you do in those situations? And that can be tough. And there are a couple of things you can do. You can look at the things you can control in your immediate surroundings. You can have boundary conversations. So you might have a talk with that person who's bringing the candy to say, look, you know, I want you to know I'm really trying to have a healthy lifestyle and I know it's your prerogative to do that, but could you come up with something different maybe to talk about?

Holly Wyatt:
Yeah. Or don't put it in front of my face, you know, can't realize.

James Hill:
Keep it in your drawer.

Holly Wyatt:
Keep it in your drawer. And have it if they walk in. Yeah.

James Hill:
Again, the other thing that we talk about a lot is people influence you, but you influence them back. And for you to be the model, you might be surprised that you're going to influence those co-workers and your people you socialize with. So start where you can, have those boundary conversations, and actually be the change. And you might be surprised at how other people value that and appreciate it and maybe even change with you.

Holly Wyatt:
Yeah. What I would tell this person is take your power back.

James Hill:
Yeah.

Holly Wyatt:
You've given your power to other people and take it back. And it really is almost a mind state shift, right? To not be a victim to what others are doing. You can't control them. Let them do what they're doing. You have the power about you and stop giving it away to other people. That, to me, is the key right there.

James Hill:
All right. You know what it's time for now?

Holly Wyatt:
Some vulnerability.

James Hill:
Oh, it's just you and me. I guess we have to answer these.

Holly Wyatt:
Yeah. All right. Let's see. I'm going to ask you one, Jim, and then you ask me one?

James Hill:
All right.

Holly Wyatt:
Okay. Share a time where you relied on willpower and failed. Can you think about a time where it didn't work?

James Hill:
I actually have a good one. This is a while ago. I value physical activity, and I've been physically active. So I decided that I wanted to start the day off by exercising in the morning.

Holly Wyatt:
Okay.

James Hill:
I totally failed because I'm not a morning exerciser. So I tried to power through, and I hated it. I didn't like it. I recognize now, for me, the time of day to exercise, midday, afternoon, and I tried to use willpower to power through, and it didn't work. And so I went back and looked at what did work for me. Where can I put in routines in the middle of the day and the afternoon to make it easier?

Holly Wyatt:
Yeah, so you tried something, it didn't work, and then you come up with another plan, another strategy, routines and rituals in place.

I have a story. This is one I maybe have told before, but it just always reminds me about willpower, and especially when people say, but I have a lot of willpower. I'm really strong on the willpower, because that's what I used to say to myself. But Holly, you have a lot of willpower.

And so I don't know you were there, Jim. I don't know if you remember this, but I was trying to lose weight and y'all know chips are my thing. That's my favorite food and I can eat a lot of chips. And we went out to a meeting. It was kind of a dinner meeting with a lot of people and it was at a Mexican restaurant and out of course came the chips. Now, what I should have done is said, everybody can have chips, but let's not put them where I can grab them. Can we put them a little bit away from me where I can't just reach out and get them? So everybody can have them. I'm not gonna have the table not have them, but they're not like right in front of me. But instead I said, oh no, I've got willpower. This is what I was thinking. I've got willpower. I don't need to worry about the chips. They can put it right by me. My willpower is so strong that I am not going to eat a chip. So they did. And everything was fine for a minute. And then someone at the table said something that infuriated me, made me so mad. And I wanted to tell that person something that I won't even repeat. I won't be able to repeat on this podcast. But I wanted to say something. And so all my willpower suddenly went into keeping me from saying what I really wanted to say to this person. And then guess what? I used all my willpower not to say something. And guess what happened?

James Hill:
The chips were gone.

Holly Wyatt:
Oh, the chips went in my mouth. So it just shows you I had strong willpower, but in a second it was gone.

James Hill:
Wow.

Holly Wyatt:
If I had stuck to my routine and ritual and said, I probably wouldn't have gotten up and walked over to eat a chip.

James Hill:
But you wouldn't have eaten the chips.

Holly Wyatt:
Right. If they had been out of my, you know, where I couldn't reach them, I wouldn't have gotten up. But the fact that it was sitting right next to me and I was so mad and I was using every ounce of willpower not to say something, I ate the whole thing of chips.

James Hill:
I bet some of our listeners can relate.

Holly Wyatt:
But it just shows you, you don't know. So people like, oh, I can resist this. I'm like, you just don't know. Don't count on it.

James Hill:
Don't count on it. So, Holly, the takeaway here is that willpower isn't the key to weight loss. If you're saying, oh, I just need more willpower. No, that's not going to do it for you. You've got to look at systems, routines, and support. We've given you 10 good things to focus on other than willpower. I'll go through them right quick. Monitoring and feedback. Social support. Self-compassion. Resilience and recovery skills. Meals, meal planning and preparation, physical activity and movement, sleep, your purpose and your why, your environment, routines and rituals, and mind state. Many things to work on. So don't worry about willpower. Yeah, it's short term. It's like a tool to use for a little while, but do not count on it in the long term.

Holly Wyatt:
Yeah, I agree. Lots of things to work on. Use willpower if you have to, but don't count on it. And let's build up some other stuff.

James Hill:
Don't count on it.

Holly Wyatt:
Yeah.

James Hill:
All right. Well, let us hear from you. We love your questions and your comments. Let us know what's on your mind and we'll talk to you next time on Weight Loss And.

Holly Wyatt:
Bye everybody.

James Hill:
And that's a wrap for today's episode of Weight Loss And. We hope you enjoy diving into the world of weight loss with us.

Holly Wyatt:
If you want to stay connected and continue exploring the “Ands” of weight loss, be sure to follow our podcast on your favorite platform.

James Hill:
We'd also love to hear from you. Share your thoughts, questions, or topic suggestions by reaching out at weightlossand.com. Your feedback helps us tailor future episodes to your needs.

Holly Wyatt:
And remember, the journey doesn't end here. Keep applying the knowledge and strategies you've learned and embrace the power of the “And” in your own weight loss journey.